"Can I Truly Live My Dream?"
My Travel Story
I was never the smartest. I was the child who stumbled over lessons and disappointed my family. My sister, Ajeng, always saw something in me that I could never see in myself. She believed in me even when I couldn’t believe in myself. I wasn’t good enough for anyone but her.
She would always tell me, "Dream big, Panca. You are capable of so much more than you think." Her words were my refuge, even as I struggled to make sense of my own potential. Life wasn’t easy. I had lost my parents when I was still young, and the weight of that loss was heavy on my heart. But Ajeng... she stepped in. She became my anchor, my protector, the one who pulled me through every mistake, every failure.
But even with her by my side, I wasn’t good enough. At least, that’s how I felt.
I found comfort in something else. In technology. Coding, microcontrollers, web development—it was a world where I could make sense of things, where I could create and build, and for once, feel like I was doing something right. But even as I built these things, the bigger dream that Ajeng always spoke of was still out of reach. A dream where I could go beyond the small world I knew, where I could help others, and maybe, just maybe, make a difference.
One of the biggest dreams she had for me was to go abroad. Despite our struggles, she always said, "You deserve to see the world, Panca. You have so much to offer." I never thought it could happen, but Ajeng always believed it could. She wanted me to explore the world, to experience life outside the confines of what I knew, and to take what I had learned and give back.
Then she was taken from me.
Ajeng was diagnosed with bone cancer, and it spread to her brain. I couldn’t understand it. The woman who had been my guiding star, the one who believed in me no matter what, was slipping away. I watched as she fought, hoping for a miracle, but the miracle never came. In October 2023, she was gone.
It felt like the world had stopped turning. I was lost. Empty. My heart broke in a way I couldn’t fix.
But amidst the heartbreak, something else began to stir. Her dream for me never died. And with it, the question lingered in my mind: Can I have a second chance?
The second chance to honor her, to carry her dream forward.
But when she passed away, I was left with a deep and aching regret. I never fully expressed how much she meant to me, how deeply I loved her, and how grateful I was for all she had done. I always assumed there would be time to say it, to show her the love she so freely gave to me. But I never got that chance. Now, all I can do is hold her memory close and carry her love forward in everything I do.
I don’t know if I’m good enough. I don’t know if I’m capable of fulfilling the expectations she had for me. But in her memory, I’ve been given an opportunity. An opportunity to volunteer with International Volunteer HQ (IVHQ) in Greece, working on a Homeless Support project. I will give what I have, in the hopes that it will be enough to make a difference in someone’s life.
Maybe this is my second chance. The chance Ajeng believed I could have. Maybe this is my moment to prove that I can live her dream for both of us. Maybe this is the chance to finally step into the world she always envisioned for me.
And maybe, just maybe, I can be the person she always knew I could be.
Thank you for reading my story. Thank you for taking the time to understand the journey I’ve been through, and the dream I hope to bring to life. Every step I take from here is a step forward not just for me, but for the memory of the sister who believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself.
No matter how uncertain the path may be, I will keep moving forward, carrying her love with me. Thank you for being part of that journey.
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