Creating memories of a Dad

John Parker Start Date: Jul 27, 2021 - End Date: Nov 26, 2021
  • Jackson, NJ, United States of America

My Travel Story

by: John Parker Start Date: Jul 27, 2021 - End Date: Nov 26, 2021
My insecurity of making memorable moments for my daughter and I are growing as I am fading. I am 36 yrs old and I have a daughter of 7yrs. 5 years ago I was diagnosed with both brain and spinal cancer. (The tumors are from my tailbone, up my spine and into my brain.) I am living a life much harder life than what I actually exhibit. This is one of the rarest cases of one of the rarest cancers in this entire world. My cancer is usually treated (at best) by the removal of the tumors via surgery. With the exception of my brain stem and actual brain, the spinal tumors should have been able to be removed. It turns out that within each tumor is my spine's nerves meshed throughout each one. Making even the slightest bit they took for biopsy very dangerous to my well being. Being nothing more than hope and my own will to live a limited life that was given to me. This cancer has destroyed all/any life efforts for the betterment of my future from my past. It threatens my everyday life, testing my will and patience, from what it takes to live a day in it. Something my daughter thankfully knows minimally about due to the strength I swear she somehow provides me. Something I would go as far to say is beyond my comprehension and logic. She makes me feel as if she is the cure to my reality, many wouldn't endure breathing in. My words are not to manipulate and I also feel they don't justify my actual dealings. I have noticed many things I have taken for granted when I was "healthy". I have heard prior to my ailment, when u are given terminal news you immediately think of those closest to you rather than yourself. When she came to mind my every feeling poured from my eyes in regret and spite towards and for myself. Every opportunity that I had in life to make a decent one for her, that my cancer had and hadn't negated from my life. Leaving me in a position to lose my faith and to even live this life, and I couldn't choose otherwise with her and our love for one another. I am currently 5 years from my diagnosis, about 4 1/2 years from treatment not being successful, 3 years vibrantly living post the terminal date given to me. Sometimes I don't get to see her much during the school year being 3-6 days a month. I had custody but when I fell Ill I could no longer consistently take care of her needs. I fight knowing she's alive and well living with her wonderful mother, stepdad and 2 sisters. Sometimes I fall prey to my circumstances because I am human but I don't have quitting as a choice. The wonders and experiences she goes through is enough to wanna witness as much of more of them as I can. I wanna take her somewhere unforgettable and my bar is set low according to what may be popular by social standards. I don't care if funding me could send us to space or the local theme park. If it us together, doing anything as such means so much more than anything. I am on disability and receive a petty amount of assistance and government support. I couldn't dream of even dreaming of winning a lottery I can't afford to be in it to win it. I have been stripped of so much that what I do get comes from one hell of a fight. Please help fund a vacation my daughter and I would be so appreciative of. The mere thought of this being a successful outreach has me currently in happy tears. Hope is put into perspective in my situation and couldn't hope more than for this to happen for us.
  • Jackson, NJ, United States of America