Getting Lost to Find Myself

Elena Freeman Start Date: Jan 24, 2017 - End Date: Aug 11, 2017
  • Educational/Research Trip
  • Leadership/Training Program
  • Professional Development
  • Mount Waddington, BC, Canada

My Travel Story

by: Elena Freeman Start Date: Jan 24, 2017 - End Date: Aug 11, 2017
  • Educational/Research Trip
  • Leadership/Training Program
  • Professional Development
     I am at the top of a rocky cliff looking down at the 75 feet that lay between me and the surface of the flowing river below. I am petrified. Every thought going through my head is shouting at me to turn around and go home. Seconds that feel like hours pass and I cannot move. At one abrupt second I silence my mind and jump before the slightest paralyzing thought can creep back into my brain. The moment I jump, I am rushed with excitement and absolute surrender that is soon followed with the beaming feeling of accomplishment - I had just conquered my greatest deterrent, my fear.
     The cliff example may be cliché, but the process used has taught me how to give speeches in front of large crowds, how to backpack in bear country, and how to pursue dreams that seem out of reach. As there are many valid reasons in being scared to jump off of a cliff, so are there in every major aspect of my life. I hate admitting it, but I feel plagued with fear in almost everything I do. Sometimes it is not explicit fear, but resistance conjured by thoughts full of excuses that create the same effect. To me, it is not even the actual act of jumping off of a cliff that is significant, it is now knowing that I have power over my fear and that, with effort, it is me, not it, that determines my life. 
     I have found, however, that no matter the amount of speeches I give or cliffs that I jump off of, I am no less burdened with my thoughts the next time I am faced with a similar obstacle. The major obstacle that I am focusing on right now - a life long one - is finding who I am and what I am capable of. From past experiences, I have learned that to come closer to my inner self I must confront my weaknesses and work on the parts of myself that I try to forget. 
     I believe that taking this Mount Waddington mountaineering course will challenge me in ways that I have yet to experience as well as familiar ways that, in the past, I have shied away from. On a surface level, I am not very confident in my abilities to summit ice covered mountains in below freezing weather. I backpack as much as I can, but it is usually only in the summer and for a week at a time - this one will be an entire month. I am not overwhelmed by these physical fears, however, it is the more internal challenges that this course will bring that expose my weaknesses. 
     Challenging my capacities as a leader is a major component of this trip. I will be forced to push passed my perceived limits in endurance, selflessness, compassion, communication (a major one), initiative, and many other key virtues that I hope to strengthen as a leader. I want to participate in this course because it is going to be hard. In each of my previous leadership experiences, I have learned things about myself that I didn’t really want to know, but was then able to improve upon them. This past fall I took on the task to organize a fall festival called “Get Your Local On” in hopes to bring more attention to local entrepreneurs and the Vermillion farmer’s market. It ended up being a huge success, but the process was harder than I had first expected. While leading a group of 3 fellow students, I had to learn the hard way that to lead does not always equate to dictating and that in meetings it is more important for me, as the leader, to listen to my group’s opinions and ideas than it is for me to speak my own. I started the project thinking that I needed complete control, when in reality I needed to empower others to take responsibility. It is experiences like these that show me that I still have so much more to learn. I don’t simply want my strengths to become stronger, I want to holistically become a more grounded and capable person and leader and I am confident that this course is the next step on that journey.





  • Mount Waddington, BC, Canada