The Path to Spiritual Realization.
While going through the worst times of my life, I became to question everything in my surroundings; "Why is this happening to me?", "What is the point?", "Why do we suffer? This can not be what God wants.", and so on and so forth. I will not get into the specifics about the traumatic events since that is not the thesis of this small narrative. However, I did encounter two acute "awakenings" within the past few years within these adjacent, traumatic events.
It started when I had this deep feeling of I am loved and something big is going to happen despite that amount of pain and suffering. I felt closer to God more than I have ever been. This distinct feeling inside, would not go away (it still hasn't gone away). Especially when I was outside, with my family or simply enjoying a relaxing lunch with a great friend. I wanted more of this feeling. "How can I feel more of this?" At first, I tried to getting into Catholic churches but quickly discovered that, that was NOT for me. Later that spring is when I stumbled upon The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. My life had changed forever.
I dedicated my entire summer to reading his books and practicing. It seemed a bit easier to me than it had to other people I had talked about it with. Why? I do not think it is because I think "I am smarter" or "I am special". I feel it is not that at all. Reflecting back, I experienced something I never heard of anyone experience before. It was sort of an epiphany. I remember laying on my fathers couch in a deep, deep depression. I wanted to throw myself off a bridge in consequence of my body being FILLED with greif and loss. After laying there for some time, I remember thinking "I am going to lay here until everything is over. I do not care if I lose my job, or everything I think that matters", and at that very moment, my window slammed shut and a wave of peace encompassed my entire body. I was free of this grief. Where did this peace come from, and where did the pain go? I have no idea! But that was my first and not my last "epiphany". After the epiphany, I started to notice this "knew knowledge" in a sense. It felt like something cracked open, or this sense of awakeness.
So, I dedicated my entire 2017 summer to educating myself through his sign-posts because it not only felt right, but something led me here. Every word and every explanation made sense.
I was in the last chapter of A New Earth when something extraordinary, and yet an incomprehensable thing had happened where everything did not look like what I thought everything looked like. It was like my point of view was refocused, and my knoweldge of everything was ripped away just for a split second. I am not sure why, but the next week after that glimpse, I went into another deep depression because of this glimpse of "nothing matters". It scared me. Or at least it scared the person who I thought I was.
A long story short, my name is Savannah, 21 years old. I study psychology full-time now, after going into this spiritual transformation. My goal is to work as a Transpersonal Psychologist to facilitate others into their awakenings. I started a fundmytravel fundraiser, so I can study not only books written by Eckhart Tolle but study WITH Eckhart Tolle in Alberta, CA. To expand the self-discovery path through this week long educational retreat with the greatest spiritual teacher and pass along the message. Thank you so much for reading and for the generous donations!